Sometimes things strike a chord with me. Usually, I try to just sit back, relax and understand that most people have good intentions and don't mean to offend adoptive kids and families. However, sometimes it just gets tiresome feeling like people just don't get it, and I think they really need a little (unfiltered) education. So, since this blog is often my chance to be unfiltered, I'm going to give you all another installment of:
"How NOT to talk to adoptive families, or anyone for that matter. For Dummies."
"How much did he cost?"
I want tell people who ask this about this great thing we have these days called Google where you can get lots of answers to socially inappropriate questions. I don't, of course, but my advice is to not ask about adoption finances ESPECIALLY in front of my child. If you want to know, look it up. It's offensive because there is no dollar figure that I will EVER put on my son's life. It's ridiculous. Adoptions require fees to conduct a very intensive legal process, that's it. No one asks a birth mother how much she paid in hospital bills, because it doesn't matter. Same deal here.
"Do you know anything about his real mom?"
"Yes, and I'm right here standing in front of you. Do I look real to you?" Gosh, I wish I had the guts to say something like that. I don't, but the bottom line is that I am as real as it gets, and his birth mother's situation is not my story to tell. It's Eli's story to tell and if he wants to tell you about it someday he can, I just don't think it's my place to discuss that with even my closest friends, let alone a perfect stranger.
"Did you have to go there?"
I wasn't forced to go anywhere. I chose to go to the beautiful land of Ethiopia to learn about my son's birth country, and I hope we can return someday with him as well so he can learn about his heritage and see it first-hand. Africa is an absolutely amazing place, so asking us if we have to implies that it isn't an appealing place to be. I want my son to know what a fantastic place he comes from, not go into it with preconceived notions from what other people (who usually have never been there) think about it. Have you ever heard anyone ask someone if they, "have to go to Disney World?" Not usually.
"My pastor's cousin's sister's friend's aunt adopted a child from Africa too, they are such cute kids."
How I want to respond: "Wow, you and I really have an adoption connection don't we?" I don't say that, but please people, do not try to sound educated about adoption through a long line of other people that you barely know. If it's your sister, okay, but I cannot get over how many people try to connect with adoption through a list of people a mile long. It just sounds silly trying to find the one tiny connection you have to adoption simply because you are standing in line behind me at Meijer. Oh, and all kids are cute. God makes them that way, nomatter if they are from Africa or not.
Alright, well there you have it. My unfiltered thoughts. And don't get me wrong, as I mentioned, I know that most people have good intentions when saying this stuff, but that still doesn't mean it doesn't still sound silly coming out.
Until next time...
