The dash to the mailbox today was successful! Yay! So, here we are with our fingerprinting notices! (I know I’m a cheese for taking and posting these HORRIBLE photos of us)
Next Saturday is our appointment and it now marks the beginning of the official wait for the highly anticipated I-171H form. Please please please pray it comes quickly! Because when it comes we will be just days away from the waiting list in Ethiopia!
Over the last few days, in anticipation of this piece of mail we got today, I have been working on this post regarding something called, “Positive Adoption Language” or, "Positive Adoption Conversation."
To begin, I’d like to first say that I hope that when you all read this none of you go back and remember conversations we’ve had together and think that I am by any means mad at anyone, or that our conversation is the reason I am writing this. I just think it is great information, especially for those who interact with other adoptees or future adoptive parents.
How I will do this is I'll put quotes around a statement someone has said to me recently, then I will explain why I wish it had been said differently. Again, I too have made these very same mistakes when talking about adoption, even as recent as the early days of this blog, so do not worry if you have said these things, or if you say them again in the future, I understand and I have nothing but love for ya.
1.) “Why don’t you want YOUR OWN kids?” (I really really really don’t like this question, but I understand that people feel the need to ask)
My Thoughts: Will this child not be “my own?” I certainly hope he will, since we will be the only parents he will likely ever know other than the information we will be able to bring home with us from Ethiopia. The better way to say this would be, “Do you ever want to have biological children as well?”
2.) “What happens when he asks about his REAL mother?”
My Thoughts: The term “Real Mother” implies that I will be a fake or artificial mom, not the true mother that I will be once that baby is placed in my arms. The better way to ask questions regarding a birth mother is, “What do you plan to do when he asks about his birth mother?”
3.) “Where is he from?”
My Thoughts: Obviously I haven’t been asked this yet, but I’m sure it’s coming. I’m likely to answer this question with, “He’s from Hudsonville, Michigan but he was born in Ethiopia.” The better way to ask this question though would be: “What a beautiful child, can I ask you where he was born?” OR “Adoption is a great way to grow a family, was your son born in the United States?”
4.) “What a blessing you will be to this child!”
My Thoughts: Don’t forget that Mark and I will also receive an amazing blessing from our future child. I can only imagine the joy he is going to bring to our lives. I know these children need homes, I understand that, but Mark and I are very excited to grow our family. So, I see it as an equal blessing on both ends. The better way to say this would be: “What an awesome experience, you get this amazing baby who needs you and you get to grow your family as you’ve always wanted, that’s wonderful.”
I know this can seem a little nit-pickey, but adoption can be a very sensitive topic, just like you should be careful when talking to a pregnant woman about how much weight she's gained, you also have to be sensitive to an adoptive mother-to-be as well.
