{{Disclaimer: This is one of "those" posts. So if you are looking for the happy-go-lucky adoption blogs filled with "gotcha day" excitement and happy referral anticipation you should probably look somewhere else, because this Momma just isn't that one today.}}
Oh my am I in the middle of the most beautiful baby boom I've ever seen. So many of my friends and family members welcoming (or will soon be welcoming) little bundles of joy into their lives. I am so, so happy for them. The process of bringing a new, precious little one into the family is nothing short of a miracle.
To give you a little taste of what I'm seeing, here is my gorgeous new niece, Charlotte Acacia, who is just one of the many beautiful blessings that has been flooding my news feed in recent weeks.
Oh my am I in the middle of the most beautiful baby boom I've ever seen. So many of my friends and family members welcoming (or will soon be welcoming) little bundles of joy into their lives. I am so, so happy for them. The process of bringing a new, precious little one into the family is nothing short of a miracle.
To give you a little taste of what I'm seeing, here is my gorgeous new niece, Charlotte Acacia, who is just one of the many beautiful blessings that has been flooding my news feed in recent weeks.
Isn't this precious??? I am going to finally meet her this Friday. I absolutely can't wait. (By the way, what a proud and beautiful big sister Samantha is!)
Although my heart is bursting with joy for my friends and family right now who have these beautiful gifts from God, I'm going to be honest here as I always try to be... my heart is hurting in a pretty big way right now. As happy as I am for everyone, all these beautiful babies are sending my emotions into overdrive. All I keep thinking about is our empty bedroom upstairs, our birthmom and what's she's doing, what her delivery will be like and of course our faceless little girl that is half way around the world somewhere. I think this link that I posted earlier this week probably explains me better than I could explain myself right now.
I've reached the point in this wait where there is a big part of me that kinda wishes we had just tried the more "traditional" route of having a baby this time. I so wish I could just have control of the whole process. (Please note: I know not everyone has "control" in biological baby making either - but right now I'm speaking generally, with those heartbreaking fertility issues aside) Right now I have absolutely zero control over my future daughter, her health, happiness or circumstances and no due date to look to for when she'll be here. And honestly, there's nothing anyone can say to make me feel better about it. (Bless your hearts for trying though, I do appreciate it.) This process is emotional, uncertain, not to mention S-L-O-W. There are people that weren't even pregnant when we started this adoption and now they are literally holding their babies. And while all this happens around us, here we sit, just a number on a list.
Since I am speaking of the waiting list, I suppose I should share our number for this month:
Yep, #16. That's just one measly little number change from last month when we were #17. Maybe by the time I turn 40 we'll be in the top five. (Yes, I'm being sarcastic, but it does kinda feel like it could take that long.)
In saying all this, and although I know everyone means well, please refrain from the "Rest on God's timing" and "it'll happen when it should happen" and "patience is a virtue" responses. Believe me, I KNOW these things. I also know I need to be better at leaning on God's grace during this time instead of ranting here on this silly blog. It's just simply easier said than done.
And for those of you holding your babies, please know how truly happy I am for you, I am just raging with quite a bit of jealousy right now, that's all.
Until next time...
