People ask me about this all the time. So, I guess that means I should write a blog about it. Not that I know what I am doing or anything, but I'll just share what we did and maybe somewhere out there in mom land it will help someone else.
Eli sleeps, A LOT. Yes, it is a gift from God to me, I know this. And part of me thinks that children are really just "wired" to be good sleepers. But, I do think there's also some influence that a structured sleeping schedule can give to children.
When we first came home from Ethiopia we had to make a choice. Do we follow what mainstream parenting says about developing a sleep schedule for a child at 6 months of age or do we follow what many of the adoption professionals have to say? If you are a soon-to-be adoptive parent you probably know what I'm talking about. But if not, here it is in a nutshell: Do you run to their room every time they cry, pick them up and rock them close so they don't feel abandoned, or do you let them "cry it out" as many of the mainstream parenting books tell you to do?
Well, we went mainstream on this one. For us, it paid off then and it is paying off now. I remember having to sit outside last summer just so I could tune out the crying. When you are trying to change a child's night and day schedule they are CONFUSED at what is going on, so I just had to understand that I was doing it for his own good. I also think we did it in a way that allowed us not to experienced any attachment delays because of it. What I have experienced is a child that sleeps 10 hours straight at night and for awhile, took two 1.5 hour naps. Now, he is sleeping 11 hours from 7:30PM to 8:30AM every night and takes a 2 hour nap in the afternoon. This didn't come without an occasional struggle, don't get me wrong, but I now have a little boy that gets excited when it's time to go "nah-night".
So, for those of you that want to try our style, here are some tips on how we got Eli to where he is:
- We do not believe in co-sleeping. Eli sleeps in his own bed. I did some reading that really encouraged me to make sure that Eli quickly understand that the crib is where sleep happens. We didn't want to cause any confusion having him in our bed. Also, I know some may disagree, but I don't think co-sleeping can be good for a marriage, and for me I need to put my marriage first in order to be a good parent, so no co-sleeping. (I also don't know how on earth that can be comfortable.)
-Routine. I have a routine for going down for naps and a routine at night. At night, he gets milk (now in a sippy cup and he feeds himself obviously, but when he was on a bottle I fed him in the rocker) I rock him, say prayers, sing 2 verses of the same lullaby and then I lay him down in his crib. At nap time, I stand and let him put his head on my shoulder and I sway quietly and rub his back. I say the same thing every time I lay him down for a nap, so I think unconsciously he then knows then that it's nap time. I say "Eli Mommy loves you, Daddy loves you and Jesus loves you so very much, night night." Also -I advise everyone to stick to your time schedule too, if bedtime is at 7:30-8, then it should pretty much always be at 7:30-8, breaks in routine cause cranky babies and sleep trouble in the future.
-Letting them cry it out. This is one of the hardest things parents can experience. You feel like you are inflicting the worst pain ever on them. For us it was for his own good, and I really know it is because of this that we have had such great sleeping success with him. What I did was every 15 minutes or so of crying, I would go back into the room, rub his tummy and I told him that I would never leave him but that it was time to go to sleep. I think this helped with him not feeling abandoned during this time, because either Mark or I always came back, but never picked him up. And because he was in his crib, that meant it was time to sleep. After continually doing this for just about a month we had a great sleeper on our hands.
- Know the differences between sleep crying and nightmare crying. I think it's important as adoptive parents that you have a good ear for the difference in cries. I can tell right away now when Eli cries because he had a nightmare. I run up there and pull him out of that crib so fast when that happens, believe me. But, when it's just a cry that he woke up and isn't sure he still wants to be in bed, I let him cry those ones out. Usually they don't last more than 3 minutes because he knows that when he is in his crib it is time to sleep or lay quietly until he falls asleep.
-Routine. I have a routine for going down for naps and a routine at night. At night, he gets milk (now in a sippy cup and he feeds himself obviously, but when he was on a bottle I fed him in the rocker) I rock him, say prayers, sing 2 verses of the same lullaby and then I lay him down in his crib. At nap time, I stand and let him put his head on my shoulder and I sway quietly and rub his back. I say the same thing every time I lay him down for a nap, so I think unconsciously he then knows then that it's nap time. I say "Eli Mommy loves you, Daddy loves you and Jesus loves you so very much, night night." Also -I advise everyone to stick to your time schedule too, if bedtime is at 7:30-8, then it should pretty much always be at 7:30-8, breaks in routine cause cranky babies and sleep trouble in the future.
-Letting them cry it out. This is one of the hardest things parents can experience. You feel like you are inflicting the worst pain ever on them. For us it was for his own good, and I really know it is because of this that we have had such great sleeping success with him. What I did was every 15 minutes or so of crying, I would go back into the room, rub his tummy and I told him that I would never leave him but that it was time to go to sleep. I think this helped with him not feeling abandoned during this time, because either Mark or I always came back, but never picked him up. And because he was in his crib, that meant it was time to sleep. After continually doing this for just about a month we had a great sleeper on our hands.
- Know the differences between sleep crying and nightmare crying. I think it's important as adoptive parents that you have a good ear for the difference in cries. I can tell right away now when Eli cries because he had a nightmare. I run up there and pull him out of that crib so fast when that happens, believe me. But, when it's just a cry that he woke up and isn't sure he still wants to be in bed, I let him cry those ones out. Usually they don't last more than 3 minutes because he knows that when he is in his crib it is time to sleep or lay quietly until he falls asleep.
So, that's it! I hope this helps those of you who have asked me about this. But again, I do believe that a lot of it is just how your child was wired to sleep, so good luck and sweet dreams!
